• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Skip to footer navigation

  • Calendar of events
  • 687 Larch Av, Teaneck NJ
  • 201-836-5187
  • Contact Us
  • DONATE
Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County NJ

Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County NJ

  • Home
  • About
    • About Us
    • Leader
      • Leader Curt Collier
      • Leader’s Talks
      • Joe Chuman, Retired Leader
        • Talks by Dr Joseph Chuman
        • Speaking of Ethics: Living a Humanist Life
        • Wedding Officiant
    • Gatherings
    • FAQ
      • How does Ethical Culture make a difference in society?
      • What social life is there in Ethical Culture?
      • How is Ethical Culture religious?
    • Ethical Brew
    • Ceremonies
    • Philosophy
    • Constitution & Bylaws
    • Contact Us
  • Sunday School
    • About Our Sunday School
    • Primary Class
    • Elementary Class
    • Junior Class
    • Senior Class
    • Sunday school FAQ
    • Sunday School News
  • Social Action
    • History of Our Social Action
    • All Social Action Articles
    • Battling Racism
    • Environmental Action
    • Healthcare
  • Adult Education
    • About Our Adult Ed Programs
    • Open Mic
    • Conversemos
    • Job Club
    • Accountability Circle
      • Anti-racism
      • Gender Explorations
    • Mindfulness Mediation
    • Socrates Cafe
    • Ethical Culture Review of Books
  • News
    • All News
    • President Column
    • UN Report
    • Gathering Addresses
    • Member News
    • Sunday School News
  • EVENTS

The need for forgiveness

February 24, 2018

By Dr. Joseph Chuman

Trying to be ethical is not risk-free. It comes with perils. Among the pitfalls is the appearance of being sanctimonious. Exhibit high ethical standards and others may accuse you of striving to be “holier than thou.” And there is always the risk of ethical failure, which, given the imperfections of the human condition, is woefully common. We set the bar high for ourselves and then fall short in our own eyes, and maybe in those of others.

I have always believed that we should be modest and restrained in our proclamation of ethical achievement or judgment. As Lao Tse, the Taoist sage, observed, “Those who know don’t say, and those who say don’t know.” Especially when it comes to assessing the behavior of others, I have long believed that we shouldn’t be too glib; we should not take the “E-word” in vain.

Here’s my reasoning. Beyond the risks mentioned above, there is always the danger of being judgmental. Ethics, it should be said, necessarily entails making judgments—this is good, that is bad; this beneficial, that harmful, etc. That said, it is only one small step between rendering moral judgments and committing the offense of judgmentalism.

Bigger risk for Ethical Culturists

We in Ethical Culture perhaps run this risk more readily than others and often without knowing it. This is because ethics is of central importance to Ethical Culture. Commitment to it should be the governing and guiding principle of our lives, or so believed our founder, Felix Adler. If we are loyal to our Ethical Culture, we spend more time consciously trolling though the territory of ethical judgment than perhaps many others do. Hence there is the greater danger of veering into the unattractive position of being judgmental.

But where ethical judgment looms large, I argue there is also the need for forgiveness. Ethical judgment is harsh and forgiveness is needed as a balm to soften its austerity or else resentment, anger and tension among people grow, and not infrequently to unbearable levels.

Ethics requires forgiveness and that forgiveness cuts two ways. To stand in judgment of others can readily give offense (and who, under even the best of circumstances, likes to be judged?). When it becomes excessive, which is what judgmentalism entails, it is unwarranted. And when we have so wronged or slighted another person, especially inadvertently, who does not want to feel that they can be forgiven for their transgressions? But if we are to assess the behavior of others as unethical, and assuming we are correct in that assessment, the door is opened to being able to forgive the one who has done wrong, if certain conditions pertain.

A deep need of the soul

The need to forgive and to be forgiven, I contend, is a deep need of the soul. It is also, as implied, a necessary and intrinsic aspect of the human condition, given that we all bring hurt to others in large and small ways for which we feel sorry, if not guilty. That guilt seeks resolution, which in most cases only forgiveness from the injured party can bring.

Yet there seems to be little discussion of forgiveness in modern society, including in our own Ethical Culture communities. Perhaps this is because forgiveness is a value most often associated with the more traditional religions. Judaism and Christianity have much to say about it. And as such, the secular world shies away from such religiously inflected discussion. Moreover, the seeking of forgiveness and its rendering bring people together face-to-face in relations that require great openness and honesty. This is often very uncomfortable. For many, it is a situation most readily avoided. Because of the need for direct engagement by all the parties, the act of forgiving is very much a moral one. It cannot be granted from afar.

Having said that, forgiveness in human affairs is a complex thing and raises many questions. Among some that come to mind are:

What is forgiveness?

Does the granting of forgiveness require a statement of apology or contrition by the offender who seeks forgiveness?
Does forgiveness require some act of repentance or restitution undertaken by the offender?
Is it appropriate to forgive the person who refuses to apologize or acknowledge his or her wrongdoing? In other words, can the granting of forgiveness be unilateral?
Are we obligated to forgive the other person when the offender has taken the necessary steps, or is forgiveness in some sense a “gift”?
How does forgiveness relate to mercy or compassion?
What is the role of forgiveness in healing societies that have suffered mass atrocities?
Are there some actions or persons who simply cannot be forgiven?
These are all important questions and are stepping stones toward creating a culture in which forgiveness is more readily sought and acknowledged. I intend to explore these questions in my address of March 4, entitled “The Need for Forgiveness.” I hope you can join me then.

Dr. Joseph Chuman is leader of the Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County.

Primary Sidebar

Ethical Brew is Back!

Ethical Brew Coffeehouse

Recent News

  • Calling All Families to our Fall Festival!
  • We Grow and Flourish When We Help Others Do the Same
  • Members, Friends Join March to End Fossil Fuels
  • Open Mic Variety Night Gets Even Better!
  • A Sleepover Under Stars and Amid Bright Lights

Sign up for our newsletter.

Follow us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

We believe in ethics. We believe in people.

Please believe in us.

About Us

Ethical Culture was founded to focus on community and good works, rather than personal salvation. Read more…

Archives

Footer

Follow us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Connect with Us

Address: 687 Larch Ave, Teaneck, NJ 07666
Phone: 201-836-5187
Email: [email protected]

Sign up for our newsletter.

 

Recent Posts

  • Calling All Families to our Fall Festival! September 19, 2023
  • We Grow and Flourish When We Help Others Do the Same September 18, 2023
  • Members, Friends Join March to End Fossil Fuels September 18, 2023
  • Open Mic Variety Night Gets Even Better! September 18, 2023
  • A Sleepover Under Stars and Amid Bright Lights September 14, 2023
Our Society’s Covid-19 Guidelines

We believe in ethics. We believe in people.

Please believe in us.

Topics

atheism atheist church book review children civil rights climate change community compassion death democracy Doris Friedensohn education Elizabeth Warren environment environmentalism Ethical Brew ethical community Ethical Culture ethical education ethics family Felix Adler gender happiness healthcare humanism humanist humanists human rights Israel Joseph Chuman LGBTQ+ politics racism religion Secular Humanism social action Socrates Cafe Sunday School technology transgender Trump unemployment world health youth

What We Do For Fun….

There's always time for play: celebrations, discussions (some in Spanish -- find Conversemos on our calendar), hikes, picnics, cultural outings, and more. Come join us!
Kids get into the act
Diane running the show

Important Links

  • Member of the American Ethical Union
  • Ethical Brew
  • Sanctuary Committee
  • BC Gun Violence Prevention
  • NJ Website Designer
© 2023 | The Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County NJ

Copyright © 2023 · Kreativ Pro On Genesis Framework · The Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County · Log in

  • Calendar of events
  • 687 Larch Av, Teaneck NJ
  • 201-836-5187
  • Contact Us
  • DONATE