• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Skip to footer navigation

  • Calendar of events
  • 687 Larch Av, Teaneck NJ
  • 201-836-5187
  • Contact Us
  • DONATE
Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County NJ

Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County NJ

  • Home
  • About
    • Platform
    • FAQ
      • How does Ethical Culture make a difference in society?
      • What social life is there in Ethical Culture?
      • How is Ethical Culture religious?
    • Ethical Brew
    • Ceremonies
    • Philosophy
    • Constitution & Bylaws
    • Contact Us
  • Ethical Kids
    • Sunday School
      • Primary Class
      • Elementary Class
      • Junior Class
      • Senior Class
      • Sunday school FAQ
    • Youth Group
  • Leader
    • Leader Curt Collier
    • Leader’s Talks
    • Joe Chuman, Retired Leader
      • Talks by Dr Joseph Chuman
      • Speaking of Ethics: Living a Humanist Life
      • Wedding Officiant
  • Social Action
    • All Social Action Articles
    • Battling Racism
    • Environmental Action
    • Healthcare
  • Adult Education
    • Accountability Circle
      • Anti-racism
      • Gender Explorations
    • Conversemos
    • Job Club
    • Socrates Cafe
    • Open Mic
    • Mindfulness Mediation
    • Ethical Culture Review of Books
  • News
    • President Column
    • UN Report
    • Platform Addresses
    • Member News
  • Events

About Kindness: It’s Not All Unicorns and Angel Wings

December 2, 2014


By Janet Glass,

President of The Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County

My Regrets

New Year’s resolutions. Often made, seldom kept. So, what could my resolution have to say to a diverse congregation facing a shiny new year? Well, one thing you might ask an old bird is, “looking back, what do you regret?”  There have been lots of potential regrets for me. Being caught in a revolution while in Managua, Nicaragua in 1979 where my hotel facade was shot up with bullets? Don’t regret that trip. Hiking around the Canadian Fundy Park 7 months pregnant? Nope, don’t regret it. Leaving a tenured New York City job with a pension to open a risky language school with a partner? Nah, in the end, I didn’t regret it. I’ll tell you what I do regret. I remember one Sunday at the Hudson River Revival concert. I was hanging out with my young kids, my parents and the family of a friend, BK Rothman. We were sitting on blankets on the crowded grass listening to Arlo Guthrie sing. Standing in the far distance was my husband with Barbara’s husband. I had the lunch bag filled with cut melon and sandwiches of provolone and hard salami. I handed out the sandwiches to those around me, ignoring my husband. My daughter was old enough to realize this and grabbed some food to bring to her father. I felt lousy, inconsiderate, thoughtless.  It’s 26 years ago, we’re now divorced, and it still bothers me. What I regret most in my life, are failures of kindness.

Although we have to have some self-interest in order to create and sustain a viable life for ourselves, we also wish to be loving. Here’s the problem. It’s hard. It’s not all unicorns and angel wings. There are times when some poor soul is right there in front of us, suffering humiliation or neglect, and we respond mildly, pragmatically even reasonably but not with empathy. How could we do better?

Instilling Kindness

We have some help in the words and deeds of smart people who have come before us; we have Ethical Culture’s core belief to bring out the best in others. Education, deep conversations with friends, meditation, immersion in the arts and literature, mindfulness training, I believe all of that helps. Dwight Panozzo’s Contemplative Humanist Group, the Socrates Café, the Sanctuary Committee work, Eric Sandhusen and Lisa Repasky’s new Gift Circle, our Festivals, the selfless volunteers at Platforms, much of what we do at the Society points us in an open direction. Having kids. It’s tough to be selfish when the baby is hungry at 3 a.m. Having tough times. We collect kindnesses when we receive help, sometimes from strangers. This nourishes our gratitude. Getting older. As we begin to lose loved ones, we can’t help but be reminded of our impermanence. I think we come to see how trivial it is to be selfish. Our self-interest diminishes and becomes replaced by a softer and more loving heart.

For those of us who are busy building a career, concentrating on “accomplishing” and are slowly growing into becoming more generous, I’d urge you to err on the side of kindness now. I don’t regret the risks I took in my life. It’s the missed opportunities to be kind that haunt. Let’s try to do those things that incline us toward our luminous generosity of spirit, our inner Gandhi. My New Year’s resolution for 2015 has a corny, borrowed soundtrack: This kind light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Wishing you all a luminous new year.

Primary Sidebar

Recent News

  • Planet & Progress Team Now Hiring Youth Age 15-22
  • Have a Seat! New Meetinghouse Chairs Will be Comfy and Attractive
  • Let’s Increase our Society’s Relevance by Meeting Younger Generations Where They Are
  • Leader’s Vision: Innovative Programs and New Income
  • Meet New Member Gerry Migliore

Sign up for our newsletter.

Follow us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

We believe in ethics. We believe in people.

Please believe in us.

Ethical Brew

Being White And Its Hidden Assumptions

Film Screening, ‘Contradiction: A Question of Faith’

About Us

Ethical Culture was founded to focus on community and good works, rather than personal salvation. Read more…

Archives

Footer

Follow us

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Connect with Us

Address: 687 Larch Ave, Teaneck, NJ 07666
Phone: 201-836-5187
Email: [email protected]

Sign up for our newsletter.

 

Recent Posts

  • Planet & Progress Team Now Hiring Youth Age 15-22 June 4, 2023
  • Have a Seat! New Meetinghouse Chairs Will be Comfy and Attractive May 30, 2023
  • Let’s Increase our Society’s Relevance by Meeting Younger Generations Where They Are May 30, 2023
  • Leader’s Vision: Innovative Programs and New Income May 23, 2023
  • Meet New Member Gerry Migliore May 21, 2023
Our Society’s Covid-19 Guidelines

We believe in ethics. We believe in people.

Please believe in us.

Topics

atheism atheist church book review children church-state separation civil rights climate change community compassion death democracy Doris Friedensohn Elizabeth Warren environment Ethical Brew Ethical Culture ethical education ethics family Felix Adler gender global warming happiness healthcare humanism humanist humanists human rights Israel Joseph Chuman meetinghouse Middle East politics racism religion Robert Gulack Secular Humanism social action Socrates Cafe Sunday School transgender Trump unemployment world health youth

What We Do For Fun….

There's always time for play: celebrations, discussions (some in Spanish -- find Conversemos on our calendar), hikes, picnics, cultural outings, and more. Come join us!
Kids get into the act
Diane running the show

Important Links

  • Member of the American Ethical Union
  • Ethical Brew
  • Sanctuary Committee
  • BC Gun Violence Prevention
  • NJ Website Designer
© 2023 | The Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County NJ

Copyright © 2023 · Kreativ Pro On Genesis Framework · The Ethical Culture Society of Bergen County · Log in

  • Calendar of events
  • 687 Larch Av, Teaneck NJ
  • 201-836-5187
  • Contact Us
  • DONATE